It may seem like an odd dynamic and by the title of this post you may expect it more during Halloween than Memorial Day weekend.... but hear me out! As I took my grandma and my mom to the cemeteries in preparation of the holiday weekend, it occurred to me there is some strange connection and difference from other cultures that Italian Americans have with visiting cemeteries.
Before my Grandpa Joe even passed, he would make my mother and her sister acutely aware that he must be buried in Lowellville with "his people" like he believed they'd visit each other at night. Well, he got his wish and many of his family and friends are nearby. I can't help but wonder if they really are out visiting at night.
My mom believes based on the instilled values form her grandparents that to not care for an ancestorial grave is actually a mortal sin! My grandma as well, despite not walking well would never miss a year if she is still alive of taking flowers and crosses to the graves of family members passed. If she isn't able to walk over, she will gladly supervise from the car window.
Why is all of this craziness? I view it as a sign of respect but have to admit that certain aspects are taken to extreme. If the county didn't cut the grass fast enough, folks will be wondering around with weedwhackers, cutting their own plots even! The Italian American cemetery before Memorial Day has more visitors than the county fair, I swear! These traditions began back in Italy as well though, so this is really nothing new. If a town doesn't have an actual Italian American cemetery as well, it isn't hard to find the Italian graves dispersed throughout.... just look for Saint statues, especially of the Madonna, vigil lights, and immaculately kept grounds with edge stones and mulch and possibly even a bench.
While we speak on the cemetery of Lowellville, we can't ignore the cultural custom of inspecting gravesite on Memorial Day! This has to be an Italian thing! I cannot think of another local cemetery where the living in the town will walk around on Memorial Day after the celebration honoring veterans just to see which families cleaned up the graves for the summer! What shame it would be on your family and looks you would get in town if your ancestors plots were not impeccable by Memorial Day! Hence the reason for my visit today! Must get the gravesites in shape... and who knows maybe it isn't even the townsfolk who talk but maybe the spirits visiting each other at night have a thing or two to say to each other about their descendants' caretaker skills as well. Hopefully, they think I did a good job!
None of this is new in the Italian culture though. It is just what you do and a part of the heritage... maybe not a well-known part but a huge part, nonetheless. While Memorial Day is by the far biggest of this traditional (probably because it is the "spring cleaning"), it is also very customary to ensure Christmas wreaths are placed, palm is left at Easter, and reverence is paid for All Soul's Day as well. So as long as my heritage continues, I'll be visiting the cemetery... Leave a grave unattended? ....Fuhgettaboutit!
